This is Our Swamp
by Blood-Pumper
Summary: After coming to the Krusty Krab, Shrek meets he love of his life, SpongeBob SquarePants. Can the two heal each other's broken blood-pumpers and heal in eachothers many layers? Probably. We shall see. Watch them as they go through many-a break-ups and murder.
1. The Fault in Our Ogre

Chapter one: The Fault in Our Ogres

Shrek limbed to the boat which was immobile and the gray head squid was behind the cash register

The green long earred strong brave ogre roared this is my swamp and i would like a krabby patty

The gray squid, offended glances up from his gray newspaper. He is wearing a brown t shirt and

gray pants

Ummm excise me mr ogre im trying to read and im offended by your tone and no this is not a swamp it is the sea and this is the krusty krab and i can ask spongebob to make you a krab paddy but that costs ogre coins which we dont accept here

Shrek burped in his face, which made the gray head man's nose offended because shrek's burp smelled like onions. mixed with some potato salad, maybe. and a little bit of baked beans. but that didn't matter, the blue head man thought. he needed to stop babbling to himself.

Shrek spoke up yet again. "Listen to me, you ugly bald head, you are not allow to deny any customers here in the crusty krababaey, because i will have you know that it is against the law here in america to deny a customer for any reason because that is wrong so you will accept my ogre coins and you will take them to the bank and let the bank exchange them with some real fish coins for you, okay? now place my order, or else i'll call the coppers on you and they will shut you down and fire you, probably."

blue head squid man person points out that this isnt america its bikini bottom

And in bikini bottom where him and yellow sponge hair man, the one known as spongebob live you can deny ogres

And how is mr ogre under water anyway

"Excuse you , mister cashere man but i do not think that that is a very nice thing to say to me because number one that is very racist and number two you are a horrible person who won't serve me just because i am an ogre do you not know who i am, i am shrek the ogre." and with that he roared in the man's face again.

And then he said. "Sir it is none of your business why I am down here in fact i do not even know myself but i do know that i will never tell you for as long as i live because it is none of your business." and he left it at that.

Fine, the squid says his face sneering, dont speak you mean rude ogre fine die with that thought in your green head forever and you cant scare me because i know my rights and ill call the police on you because yelling in my face is rude plus smells like onions

Green head big man is angered and roars a loud mighty roar and limbs his way to the big red shell man known as mr krabs his office

I WANT MA FRAGGING KRAB PADDY

"Whoa hey there sunny do not be so loud in my here joint because i will tell your mommy on you, okay, sonny?" says the man known as mr k among his very own people.  
Shrek stares down at the red shell man known as mr k with his big brown eyes. His eyes that see into your should like onions. Big beefy brown onions. Those big brown eyes stare into red shell man's very own peepers and that is when the mighty ogre breaks down.  
"Sir you are so mean to me!" cries the ogre, his tiny blood-pumping muscle breaking. "All of you fishes down in this deep blue see are so mean to me! can't you all just accept that I am an ogre and I wanna fit in with all of you cool peeps?!" he shouts to the entire sea as he falls to the ground, weeping in a pile. His eyes leak with tears that no one can see because they blend into the ocean cause they are salt water believe it or not that is what the sea is made out of. The sea is made out of ogre tears. Yes.  
But that is when spongebob, hearing the sad little big ogre's outburst, comes out of his kitchen room.

He runs to the ogre as fast as can, grabbing a hold of his head. "Who could have done this to the little big green man?" Spongebob asks, panic and anger going through him at the same time. "Me" says Mr. K raising his red coloured claw.

"But why?!" Spongebob screamed and it is then that the big little greenish blueish from no air ogre says, "Tis because… because they're racist."

Spongebob gasps, turning to Mr. K jabbing a pointing finger at him. "YOU DID THIS?! TO THIS POOR SWEET OGRE… thing.?!"

"Yes." Mr. K says happily. "Well, also squidward over there wouldn't give him his order cause we don't take no ogre coins down in here."

Spongebob screams, "THIS SOCIETY IS TERRIBLE!"

And it is then, on the floor that the ogre stares up at the orange sponge, and feels something in his blood pumper thingy. He does not know this yet, but it is… love.

Just then a knock on the door was heard.

A brown fur covered not fish walks in the door without waiting for anyone to answer it. It is a squirrel aka a land animal from the american land of texas known as Miss Sandy Cheekies. Spongebob sees her and looks up, shocked by her appearance.

"SPONGERBAB." she yells in her hilarious southern accent. She sees the sceen that has played out today. A fat green man who is from a land much like her own probably lays on the lap of her beloved. He stares up into her lovers eyes with his own big brown onion-like ones with a look that she cannot name. She feels a little bit of a something in her blood-pumper and she thinks that it must be a feeling known as anger but she cant be sure yet. She just stares at them angrily.

And then she yells at them. "SPNGERBOB HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON ME." and then she throws a paperplate at his head.

Spongebob yells a mighty "NOOOOO" in slow motion, but before he can even tell what the heckie is going on right now, the giant ogre leaps up, getting himself a paper plate lodged in his arm.

Blood spurts out of the ogre's arm, which is surprising because it's a paper plate and that shouldn't happen. But this is a world of weird things and so it does.

The ogre bellows, the smell of onions entering the room. "IT'S NEVER OGRE!"

Spongebobble, with tears in his eyes goes over to Shrek the greenish blueish from both lack of air and bloodloss now says, "Don't give up. I need you to keep going on. Keep pressure on the wound. I'll take care of the raccoon."

Sandy the squirrel looks up at Spongebubble and screams at him, "WHY WOULD YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS! YOU'RE SUCH A WHORE!"

Spongebibble only sighs, "I've grown tired of you and your nuts Sandy the Squirrel. That's why."

Sandy the skunk then breaks down in tears. "But you said you love nuts!"

Spongebabble replies indignately, "YOU JUST DON'T GET IT DO YOU!?"

Spongebibbleboob glances longingly into green man shrek orges eyess like rotten brown onions, "I don't love your onions Sandy Cheeks cause you dont actually have nuts you du fuzzy prick you have seed nuts and I want shrek's giant meaty nuts thatbtaste like onions so you can just go back to your bubble Sanndy Buttcheeks cause Inlove Shrek now." He blows a rasberry at her, bubbles spurting from his mouth in a stream since they are in fct under da sea which is made of shreks salty tears.

Upon hearing those very words escape from the yellow sponge known as spongebob apparently's throat, Shrek's whole world begins filling up with light and hope. "Spongeman…" he begins, breathless. "Do…. do you really mean what you say…? Do you really love _me_?" he asked, going out of breath. He almost had none left because he had lost way too much blood from his arm and there was still even more spreading around in the water that filled the space around them. Soon the sharks would attack probably.

Spongebob thought about it. Was it true? Did he really love Shrek? Perhaps he had just spoken way way way too quickly. Maybe it wasnt love yet. But he did feel something there. It was probably love. "I think in time, Shrek. In time we will both be so madly in love that they will not be able to keep us away from each others because our blood-pumpers will be beating much too fast to be kept apart if that makes any sense."

"Aye it do." whispers the Shrek. His eyes are closing.

And that's when the sharks burst through the walls.

Spongebible screamed as the sharks burst through "THE SHARKS! THEY SMELLED THE RED LIQUIDS!'

Shrek's eyes went large. "No. This can't be. Just after I'd found my true love…" And tears began streaming from his eyes again.

Spongejiggle couldn't believe what was happening. Never before had sherks invaded the Krusty Krab like this. Mostly because the Krusty Krab really was a shitty place to be/eat in.

Sandy the Tapir screamed, "I'M GONNA SAVE Y'ALL"

She runs up to a nearby shark and karate kicks it right in the nostril.

The shark squeals much like a pig does. and retreats.

However Sandy the Lemur doesn't notice another shark behind her and gets bitten in half. Her eyes go solid and she does not scream for she is not a sissy-pants. Her eyes lock onto Spongesillles and she departs her final mouth sounds. "I did this… for you. AND FUCK YOU FOR NOT LIKING MY NUTS." And like that she departs from the sea-world.

Spongebob can do nothing but be shocked.

Meanwhile in Spongebob's frail little man arms, Shrek is passing out kinda in a slow way. Before he does, though, He pats the side corner for Spongerysb sqaure shaped body and whspers very near what he can only assume is the hole in which he can hear noises and whispers. "Do not worry for her, Spongebob. She's back where she belongs. In Texas, with the rest of the stupid hoes."

Spongebob will be strong. He will not miss her. I did not love Sandy cCheks. She was a stinkcy rodant and she never loved me and my body she always told me I was fat. I go to say this to shrek, but I find that his body is very still very much like a dead person who has only reacently been dead. I intake a sharp gasp and feel some salt water teers dribble down my face but i cannot really feel them because they mix with the rest of the orge tears from earlier in the day. With my small not gvery meaty hands i lift up this newly discovered green man known as shrek and carry his body as if it were nothing more than a feather over to squidward.

"Squidicans you were very much a meaner to this poor sexy fellow earlier in the day and even though that's not okay and it isnt right, you can make up for it now if you call the haopital to come and take my love and fix him up and give him some more blood and you should probably just call the poliece men too because they will want to know what happened to my ex lady lover okay." But I turn and see that Mr. Krabs aka Eujeans is already sweeping up the remainder of her remnants to throw in a crab pad sandwitch sold here at the crust crab. I do not care for her anymore so i do not care at all.

I nuzzle Shrek close, gently stroking his face and kissing his lumpy nose to comfort him while that ugly bald squid guy whose name i dont remember because i cant remember anything now that shrek is in my life. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.


	2. BiSHREKual

Chapter Two: BiSHREKual

Shrek I say, smiling at him. "How did you get under the sea?"  
Shrek seems to think about it for a little while. "Well. I saw a mermaid. It smelt of radishes and onions. And i followed it. i went under the water and saw a sign that said krusty krab. And at first i thought they were selling poo. But i was sorely disappointed."  
I looked at him lovingly. He's the perfect ogre.  
Just then i hear a breath against my ear and i hear the spine colding words, "i do not approve of this love."

I turned to the gray hair donkey man, that had just cooed in my ear. I could still feel his buck chompers where they had grazed my ear as he had sad those hurtful words. I turned to him and stared in his eyes the shade of poo, which made sense 'cause he smelt of poop, my green-lover had just told me he thought we served at the krust karbs where I work.  
"Listen you little cloud-colored horse. I don't care what you think cause I know deep down in my muscley sack of blood I feel love for this green ogre-man sitting next to me. Plus, how did you get here, we're in the fraggin' sea if you hadn't noticed?!"

The horse man with the really big noser flattened his big old ears against hims back and his booty and made a very angry disgust noise like "AH NO YOU DI-INT." but he didnt say the words he just made the noise. "Mister sponge you are so dumb dont you know that donkeys have giant airsacks inside of their fuzzy bodies? Gosh, you are sooooo dumb."

Shrek turned his onion-like eyes to the donker. He looks so sad and pathetic with his air tubes shoved up his nose like that girl from th fualt in our stars. But now he pulls them out of his nostrils because he is about to get really angry and yell something very nasty in the donkerman's face. Donker was still yet to introduce his name btw.

"Pshhh you dumb ba-donka-donkey ya didn't even tell me your name!" I put my yellow hand on Shrek's bare forest-souled chest to calm him, a chill runs through, well not my spine 'cause I don't have one, my spongey essence. I move my little hand to my ogre-lover's leaf lips, "SHHHHH no anger, only layer's now." I coo.

Donker-donkey-giant sea horse looks at me with anger on his galliant muzzle, "Yeah well I don't gotta tell ya my name you dumb dishwasher sponge man, 'cause that's offensive so you can just go die."

"Why are you all pissy with me you little piss horse, poop-faced crapola macaroni box! Listen hear you need to calm the frag down 'cause you'll get us kicked out by the doctors that seem to be nowhere right now." Shrek meaty green hand of meatyness is suddenly on my noodle-thin thigh. I liked it it felt like onions entering my very soul.  
Donker man's pooped on irises filled with saddness water, "Because you piss colored rectangle. I LOVE SHREK!"

Shrek squeezed my thigh. Tears streamed down his face from his onion eyes. "Donkey… You need to get out of your delousional head world and realize that i never was in love with you… I used you, donker. I used yoou for your body for i was a lonely ogre once. Once but no more. Donker dont you see?! I HAVE FOUND A LOVE. A TRUE LOVE."

The bald head man knowned as shrek was so emotional now that it broke my blood-pumper to just look at him. It ws so embarrasing to have to be a part of this because it was just too awk. I didnt wnat to be a part of this break up.

Donked snarled a nasty snarl. He snarled so har that all of his teeth flew out of his face and landed on shrek's lap.

Shrek's blood-pumper must have stalled with fright. It don done pumpin' dat blood, 'cause the beeper machine beeped a beep no more. Donker now looking like a pale gray moldy strong grandpa apple face galloped from the room and off into the sunset.

Not that I cared he could get turned into giant poop eyed horse glue for all I cared. I rushed to my dying love his emerald face turning a blueish hue from not breathing. "Doctor people halp me! HALP US!"

The doctor people suddenly limbed through the door and limbed to the bed. "We're here to help the green whale!" They yelled.

An extra probably uneccisary doctor came a-boundin' in through the door to shrek's room. "WHAT HAPPENED?!" he demanded of us all, moving over to shrek's bedside. He leaned over my lover. He stuck his nose right up in his nose. He licked his nostril. He pulled away. "Gentlemen." he whispered. "This is no whale."

The smallest white-jacketed doctor man-fish screamed, "You're right Dr. Boob E Sea! BUTT even though this giant green beast ain't a whale we still gotta save him! You there!" He pointed his unfiled-nail fin at the yellow rag bundle, "Little mustard napkin! What happened to this green boulder?!"

Sponebob lifted his head wearily. "teef." he whispered near the doctor. "the man spit out his teeth because he found out that shrek was in the hospital so he came to see hi but he was not happy so he spit out all of his teef out on shrek's lap and shrek got so angry that his eyes bulged out of their sockets like a horny dick and his blood-pumper gave out like a hooker, and oh, save him doctor, please i dont know how to live without this bootyful man anymore we havent even had sex yet even i mean come on now, you must save us!"

the smallest doctor was so very moovd by this sponge's testimony of passion that salt wblood-pumper pumpered even hareder than usual. "Ill get you that sexy time, spongerpuss. I'll get you that D."

Spongebob's small spongey soul rose like a soulish boner. "Oh tank you kind fish sir thank you."

The ogre, in whose rotten ham hands he metaphorically held spongerboobs heart was rolled away. Spongerpoop's hand went foggy for awhile, even though it was usually like tat cause he wuz DURMB. Suddenly before he knew it in rolled his mysterious, green lover like a fat green racecar.

"Awww babby." Spongebob ran to be envoloped in his tree trunk arms. Shrek's oniony breath wafted into Spoongploobs small brain pellet, "I wuv you spongebob."

Spongebob's blood sack-pumper pumped in the rythmn of Allstar and then Dr. Boob E. Sea delivered the devastating news, 'Spongeploop there is devastating news. We were able to save the green non-whale but at the expense of his losing his great green...ermmmm trunk…"

Spongerplob faced Dr. Bosom, "Wat?"

Dr, BOOBIES looked at Spongeglob with a sad little frown of saddness, "Shrek had to have a sex change. Shrek is now a woman ogre."


End file.
